I don't even know....

So it's been a long time....

I've been needing to blog but just haven't felt the energy so here goes nothing.

Things at school have been piling up and piling up; literally and figuratively. Today I felt my breaking point. It is spring and the kids are mentally out for the summer. They don't listen, they steal my stuff, they talk back, throw pencils at me, you name it. In fact, several weeks ago a little boy brought a gun to school and threatened to kill another student and last week a student brought a knife! Needless to say we were all over the news.

Art used to be a fun time to create-and it was ok if you weren't the best artist. My students (most of them) could care less. Special area (art, music and PE) is just their social hour and I am getting in their way by expecting them to learn and create. You know, it would really be easier if I just didn't care and let them do what they want. Today I felt like, really whats the point? Why am I even a teacher? Why spend my time, energy and money to produce creative, exciting lessons when they could care less. It is like pulling teeth to get them to even color some things!!! All I really am is a babysitter. I keep having to remind myself that these children I teach are NOT like I was as a student- things have changed alot since even I was in school. I'm going to visit another school in the district tomorrow (grades K-3). Maybe I just need a change. Or maybe I'm not meant to be a teacher.... and if that's the case what AM I meant to be??

My dad is still getting married. We are going next weekend to meet her. I'm doing ok when I'm not thinking about it. My dad has almost shut us out of his new life. He is not interested in my brother or I anymore. He has changed completely- it's like he's trying to be a whole different person than he was when he was married to my mom. I just have to keep praying for peace and comfort; and be positive that everything's going to be alright. A coworker shared a devotional with me today that reminded me that while we go through troubles we can't see or understand WHY, but God does and that's what matters- I'm reminded to trust Him. I am also thankful for Mike's parents and my brother.

On a sunnier note, I have planted some flowers in both the front and back yard. I planted them from seeds, which I have never done before. I've got hydrangeas, geraniums, bells of Ireland, hollyhock, butterfly bushes and much more! I am so excited to watch these beauties bloom, and hope to post pictures as they do.